If you know anything at all about me and my speaking style, you know that I am a huge, huge fan of humorous personal stories! I think they are, hands down, the best way to add humor to your speech or presentation. I like them better than jokes, funny quotes, and cartoons. Why? Because they are unique, memorable, bombproof, and a small handful of stories will cover you in a surprisingly large number of situations!

In my coaching and consulting sessions with other speakers, however, I’m surprised at how often I hear somebody say something like, “But I don’t have any stories; nothing funny ever happens to me!” To which I reply, “Balderdash!” (Well, actually I use a slightly different expression, but the meaning is essentially the same.) Everybody’s got stories!

I remember reading an interview with David Letterman quite a few years ago. He was saying that all he asks of his guests is to come to the show prepared with two or three decent stories to tell. He went on to say, “If you’ve been on the planet for two decades or more and don’t have three decent stories, you’re doing something wrong!”

I couldn’t agree more with Dave. In my workshops, I go through a couple of exercises designed to help people find and develop personal stories. In one exercise, which takes less than 30 minutes, most people are able to come up with a dozen or more “story events.” These are events that have happened in their lives that can, with a bit of development, be turned into memorable and humorous platform stories. Remember, these are people who say they “don’t have any stories.” All of a sudden they’ve got a dozen or more possibilities. I won’t go into the full exercise here (but I’m certainly available for consultations and/or workshops…), but I will give you the key that unlocks the floodgates. First, though, a bit of history…

My background is as a comedy writer. I was a writer and executive producer for a multiple-Emmy Award winning comedy TV show in Seattle for 15 years. I’ve also written for Comedy Central, HBO, National Public Radio, and The Tonight Show Starring Jay Leno. And here’s one of the big things I’ve learned about comedy along the way. Comedy is when something goes wrong! If everything’s going along just fine, there’s no comedy. A person walking down the sidewalk isn’t funny. It’s when the person slips on the proverbial banana peel that the laughs start.

Okay, so how can you put this concept to use in your speaking career? Here’s what you do. Take a piece of paper and a pencil, sit down for a half hour, and think about the times in your life when something went wrong. Don’t worry, at this point, about whether these times seem funny to you. That will come later, during the development stage. And don’t feel like only the big things count. Sure, the time the car broke down while you were rushing to the hospital to give birth to your first child should be on the list, but so should the time you were having a week’s worth of groceries checked and bagged—with a long line of people behind you—and you suddenly realized you’d left your wallet at home.

A story doesn’t have to be of monumental magnitude to be a good platform story. In fact, sometimes it’s the smallest stories—the things that happen to all of us at one time or another—that resonate the most with an audience. This is because we, as an audience, can relate to your misfortune; we’ve been there! All you have to do is find a way to take the lesson that you learned from your mishap and link it to the message of your presentation. That’s covered in an article titled, appropriately enough, Linking Your Stories to Your Message, but until then, you now know where to look for those great, funny, and memorable personal stories, because you know that…

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There are many compelling reasons to use humorous stories in your presentations. They make you more likeable, they make you more memorable, they help you generate higher fees, etc. But as far as your audience is concerned, there is only one reason: you use humorous stories to further your point! That’s it! You’re not using them to get a laugh, because getting a laugh is about you, the speaker. Using a humorous story to help get your point across is about your audience. And when you’re on the platform, that’s where your focus should be: on your audience!

We’ve covered the benefits of humorous stories—and where to find these stories—in other articles. Now let’s take it to the next step, and talk about how to integrate these stories into your message—and your presentation. And, as a bonus, we’ll also see how a relatively small handful of stories can be used to exemplify multiple messages.

The key to the whole thing is linking. Here’s the basic principle—the “trick” that makes it all work: the story stays the same, but the link changes to suit the message. I’ll give you an example from my own unfortunate life.

I’m not going to go into the whole story here, but when I was seven years old, I got urinated on by a full-grown Bengal tiger. (Refer to separate article, re: “comedy is when something goes wrong.”) It happened at the Philadelphia Zoo, and the tiger was behind bars (they still used bars back then), but surprisingly, that didn’t make it any more pleasant. Anyway, the entire story, as I’ve developed it, takes about five minutes to tell. And regardless of my particular topic, I’ll tell the story pretty much the same way each time. What will change, though, is the link—the sentence(s) connecting the story back to my presentation. Here are a few possible topics, and an idea of the link I might use for each:

Planning: “I didn’t realize it then, but looking back on it now I can see that the difference between me and the tiger is that the tiger…had a plan!”

Negotiation: “I didn’t realize it then, but looking back on it now I can see that my problem was…I didn’t know what the tiger knew. So when you’re negotiating with the tigers in your life—your boss, your clients, the car dealer—know what the tiger knows!”

Competition: “I didn’t realize it then, but when I look back on it now I can see what my problem was. I underestimated the competition. Never underestimate the competition…even when you think you have them right where you want them.”

Dealing with Change: “I didn’t realize it then, but looking back on it now, my biggest mistake was…I didn’t see it coming. And just like that little surprise from the tiger, you don’t always see change coming. And that can ruin your whole day!”

Conflict Management: “Looking back on it, I realize something now that I didn’t realize then. See, the tiger and I had a conflict, and I didn’t manage it well. Fact of the matter is, I didn’t even know we had a conflict. But the tiger knew, and sometimes that’s all it takes!”

Obviously, these are just a few quick examples. Now, I’m not suggesting you run out and get urinated on by a Bengal tiger. What I am suggesting is that you take the stories in your own life and look for ways you can link them to the various topics you speak on. By being a bit creative with your links, I think you’ll find that a small number of stories will serve you well in a very great number of circumstances!

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1. Thou shalt target thy audience

This is the first and great commandment! You must know who your audience is, and choose your humor appropriately. This doesn’t mean just knowing who the group is, or even who the individuals who comprise the audience are. It means understanding the occasion, knowing the back-story of the group, assessing the dynamics of the event. I was speaking to a group whose venerable and much beloved founder had just passed away the week before. Now, I don’t do a lot of death related material, but you can bet I went over my entire presentation with a fine-toothed comb just to make sure there was nothing that might offend this audience, given the situation. I also made sure to work my way into the humor a bit more gently than I normally would. The point is that without this information, I could have gotten myself into a deep, deep hole!

It’s also important to know your audience so that you can gear your material specifically towards them. For example, one of the workshops I offer is called How the Pros Write Comedy. I’ve delivered this workshop to many groups, and while the basic information stays the same, my approach – as well as the examples I’ll use – will vary depending on whether I’m speaking to, say, a group of television writers or the editors of a religious newsletter (which, incidentally, turned out to be one of the best and most creative groups I’ve worked with!). The key to remember is that every audience is different; therefore, to one degree or another, every presentation you give should be different as well!

2. Thou shalt use thy humor to make a point

There was a time when I thought everybody knew this, but I continue to see speakers telling jokes whose connection to their message is peripheral at best. Now, I’m not saying you can’t throw the occasional one-liner or ad-lib in for a quick laugh. But if you’re going to launch into a story of any length, you’d better not be doing it just to get a chuckle! If you are doing this, you are committing 2 egregious platform sins.

First, you’re setting yourself up to bomb! Think about it: if there’s an element of your presentation that exists solely to get a laugh, what happens if it doesn’t get that laugh? You bomb! You know you’ve bombed, the audience knows you’ve bombed, and because the only point of the story was to get a laugh, you’ve got nowhere else to go. That’s not a good feeling. If, on the other hand, that same story is designed to exemplify one of the points of your presentation, it no longer matters if it gets a laugh!!! Sure, it’s nice, but the story no longer depends on it.

The second egregious platform sin of using a lengthy story just to get a laugh is that you’re wasting your audience’s time! Unless you were hired strictly to entertain, the audience is expecting to get useful information from your presentation. They’re investing their time, and they expect a return on that investment. When you use humor to make a point, you are providing both good entertainment and a good return on your audience’s investment.

3. Thou shalt avoid jokes…

…unless you tell them really, really well! Let me rephrase that. Unless other people have told you that you tell them really, really well! Look, we might as well be honest about this — most people don’t tell jokes well. I know I don’t — and for heaven’s sake, I’m a professional! In my mind, jokes have three serious flaws that make them a risky choice for all but the most seasoned and confident platform speakers.

First, they’re difficult for most people to remember properly, even without the added pressure of that unblinking audience. And if you don’t have the joke down cold — and I mean so cold that somebody could wake you out of a sound sleep and you could still tell it flawlessly — you’re probably not going to tell it well.

But even if you do tell the joke well, that doesn’t get around the second flaw: jokes are not unique! Unless you wrote the joke yourself, there’s a chance that at least a percentage of your audience has heard it before. If it’s a good enough joke, other speakers are probably using it already. And really, do you want to be known as “another speaker who’s telling that stupid parrot joke”?

The third flaw with jokes is that jokes exist solely to get a laugh (see Commandment #2). If it doesn’t get a laugh, you bomb. There’s no other option. The audience knows you’ve told a joke, that it was supposed to get a laugh, and that it didn’t. It’s called bombing, and it’s a bad feeling. When you do it in front of 500 people, it’s a really bad feeling!

4. Thou shalt develop personal stories

Personal stories, or anecdotes, neatly bypass virtually all of the problems inherent to jokes. First, your personal stories are unique to you. Your audience will not have heard them from five other speakers (unless they are five very unethical speakers — see Commandment #8). And because you’re telling stories that happened in your life, you’re letting your audience “in.” You’re revealing something of yourself; thus, you are helping the audience to create a personal bond with you.

Second, your personal stories are easier to remember. You’re not likely to forget what comes next, because you were there! (An added benefit to this is that you’ll probably sound more spontaneous and conversational when telling the story, because instead of simply reciting something you’ve memorized, you’ll literally be “re-creating” the event each time you tell it!) Also, these are the stories you’ve already told dozens — maybe even hundreds — of times to your family, your co-workers, and your friends. Yes, you’ll probably need to tweak them a bit for the platform, but by and large you know how to tell these stories!

And third, if you’re following Commandment #2, you’re using your stories to illustrate your message. This means that even if the story doesn’t get a big laugh, it still has use as an example, and you can just move on as if everything is exactly the way you planned it to be. Believe me, this works!

5. Thou shalt craft thy humor effectively

Although I’m a huge fan of using real, personal stories on the platform, I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes reality needs a helping hand. For example, reality doesn’t always provide the perfect punchline with which to end your stories. So you make one up! Listen, you’re not Peter Jennings. You’re not reporting the news. You’re trying to get a larger message across to your audience in the most effective way possible, and sometimes that may mean stretching the truth, eliminating details, or adding characters. In short, you need to think of reality as the starting point for your story, and embellish accordingly.

Now, some people get caught up on this point. I’ve had clients say to me, “But that’s not the way it happened!” To which I reply, “Your audience doesn’t know, and they don’t care. And your audience is who you’re there for!” What I’m saying is that your job, your obligation, is to get your message across to your audience in a way that has as much meaning for them as possible. And if one version of your story stretches the truth a bit, but adds more meaning (or memorability, or significance), then that’s the way you’ve got to go. Otherwise, you’re just serving yourself.

6. Thou shalt let the audience laugh

This can be a particularly tough commandment for people who are just starting out using humor in front of an audience. But I’ve also seen pros who should know better abuse this one. Here’s the trap. You’re not sure of a particular piece of humor; maybe it’s something you’ve just added, maybe it received a less-than-stellar response last time, maybe you’re just not used to using humor in your presentations. For whatever reason, though, you’re not positive this “bit” will get a laugh. So what do you do? You get to the end of the bit (the punchline), and immediately go on to your next sentence. In other words, you’re assuming there is going to be an awkward silence instead of a laugh, and you make a pre-emptive strike by covering up the anticipated silence with your own voice! The audience doesn’t have an opportunity to laugh, even if they want to!

This, as you may have surmised, is a no-no! Instead, you’ve got to trust your material enough to give it a chance at success. This means getting to the end of the bit — and then stopping! Let the audience laugh! You’ll be surprised how often they actually will laugh, once you give them the opportunity! And if you’re following Commandment #2, and using your humor to make a point (rather than solely to get a laugh), it’s not going to matter if the laugh doesn’t occur. In that case, you are simply pausing to let the story (and message) sink in, and then continuing with your presentation. The audience will never know that they muffed their line! But I think you’ll find that, given the chance, they’ll come through for you nine times out of ten! Okay, maybe eight, but those are still pretty good odds!

7. Thou shalt not be wed to thy humor

Here’s something I drill into my comedy writing and comedian clients: jokes are expendable!!! Don’t fall so in love with your material (humorous or otherwise, for that matter) that you’re unwilling to let go of it if it’s not working. I know of one comedian who has been using the same joke for the past ten years, and I’ve never heard it get a laugh! When I asked him about it, he said, “I love that joke, and one of these days the audience is going to realize how brilliant it is!” I wish I had his kind of optimism!

Here’s the pattern I use: Once I develop a new piece of material — a story, let’s say — I’ll try it out with a few friends. I’ll pay particular attention to the reaction the story gets. Then, I’ll go home and revise the story based on the response. Then I’ll try the revised version with some different friends. If the response is positive, I’ll try the story out in front of an audience. If it still works, it’s in (although I’ll keep honing it). If, on the other hand, it’s not getting positive response after two or three revisions, I’ll trash it! Hey, I can always come up with another story!

8. Thou shalt not steal

I wish I could write that this one goes without saying, but some people seem to think that once a story is told on the platform, it becomes public domain. Let’s be absolutely clear on this. A speaker’s personal story belongs to that speaker, and nobody else! I don’t care if their story would be perfect in your presentation. Come up with your own story! Believe me, it will be better. It will be better because it’s yours, and because you’ll tell it in a way that nobody else on the planet possibly can, because it didn’t happen to anybody else on the planet! If you’re using somebody else’s story, then sooner or later, somebody’s going to recognize it. And whether they call you on it or not, you’ll lose credibility in that person’s eyes. And they’ll tell other people. Is that really the kind of reputation you want? Wouldn’t you rather have the reputation of somebody who has a range of personal stories that are unique, well crafted, and perfectly suited to your own unique message? The choice is yours.

9. Thou shalt develop thy own style

This is something that only comes with practice and experience. The way it normally happens is that you start off by emulating the style of those you admire (not by taking their actual material, however – see Commandment #8!). You emulate their speech patterns, their phrasing, maybe even their clothing style. Eventually though, pieces of your own personality start creeping in, almost without your knowing it. You’ll find you’re more comfortable with a certain delivery, and with a certain type of humor. Your audiences will respond better to some things than to others. Your job as a speaker is to listen to all of this internal and external feedback, and to let the changes happen. Eventually you’ll discover that you’ve developed your own unique style. And then, if you’re really good, you can bet there will be somebody new out there listening, who’s emulating you!

10. Thou shalt exercise thy comedic filter

What do I mean by “filter”? I mean the way you look at the world. And by “exercising your comedic filter,” I mean opening yourself up to see the comedy that is always present in the world. Have you ever known somebody to whom funny things just seem to happen naturally? This is the person who’s always rushing in saying, “You’ll never believe what happened to me this morning,” and it’s always something hilarious. In my experience, the things that are happening to this person happen to all of us; it’s just that this person notices them, remembers them, and tells us about them! This is what professional comedy writers do all the time. Since their livelihood depends on funny stuff, they become naturally attuned to it.

It’s like when you buy a new car, and all of a sudden you notice that on the road there are now hundreds of the exact same car you just bought! Has this ever happened to you? Well I’ve got news for you: those cars were always there! You just didn’t notice them before, because you didn’t have that particular filter activated. It became activated when you actually bought the car. It was fresh in your mind, and you were open to it. It’s the same thing with comedy. If you’re actively looking for humorous personal stories, you will start to notice the funny things happening all around — and to — you! And when you do notice them, please, please, please record them! Either on an actual voice recorder (I carry a digital one with me all the time!) or in a notebook. Otherwise, you will forget them, I promise. And when you’re doing this for a living, you can’t afford to let the good stuff get away!

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We hear it all the time: if you want to get the big bucks, you’ve got to use humor in your presentations. Even if you’re not in it for the money—humor definitely helps you to get your point across.

There’s no question that if you give presentations in front of an audience, humor should be one of the big hammers in your speaking toolkit. For some people (the lucky ones!), this comes quickly and easily. The rest of us have to work at it.

Some speakers solve the problem by trotting down to the nearest Barnes & Noble and plopping down twenty bucks for a big book with a title like 1,001 Sure-Fire Jokes For All Occasions. Then they trot merrily back home (in my world, people trot a lot), pleased that they finally have that “humor monkey” off their back. Just memorize a half-dozen or so of these babies, and go out and wow ‘em at the next keynote!

Um…I don’t know how to tell you this, but the odds are that that ain’t gonna work. Unless you’re really, really lucky. And do you really want to count on luck while you’re up there on the platform with 500 pairs of eyes staring blankly at you?

Okay, what’s my beef with jokes? Why do I say to virtually all of the speakers I consult that jokes, for the most part, simply don’t work? 3 reasons:

1. Most People Can’t Tell a Joke

Have you ever heard somebody try to tell a joke, only to end up sounding something like this: “Okay, there were these two guys, and…no, wait, three guys, and they walk into this bar. And the bartender says, ‘Hey, Fred…’ oh, the first guy’s name is Fred, and the bartender knows him. And he has a parrot on his shoulder. But you’re not supposed to know that yet. Anyway…” Let’s face it, that’s how most of us tell jokes! Look, I made my living in comedy for 15 years, and I can’t tell a joke well. Why? Well, like a lot of people, I have a tough time remembering how the joke goes! And believe me, I’ve got enough to think about when I’m standing in front of an audience! I certainly don’t want to be bogged down trying to remember what my next line is—do you?

2. Jokes Aren’t Unique

If your joke is coming out of a book, you’re probably not the only person in the world who bought that book. The odds are that other people have heard your joke. In fact, there may be another speaker using the same joke! That may not be a big deal to you, unless that speaker happens to be speaking right before you, to the same audience! (Believe me, I’ve seen this happen!) Even if you’re not on the same bill, however, it’s probably not to your advantage to be using the same material as other speakers. Somebody will have heard it, and do you really want your audience to be thinking “How many more times do we have to hear that stupid parrot joke?”

3. Jokes Exist Solely to Get a Laugh

When you tell a joke, there are two possible outcomes. Laughter, or silence. Laughter, of course, is great. Silence…is death! Worse yet, it’s a very public death. It’s called bombing, and the entire audience knows you’ve bombed! Everybody knows that a joke is supposed to get a laugh—and if yours doesn’t, you’ve failed! No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Oh, I know some of you—the enlightened ones—are saying, “Wait a minute, Bill, I use jokes to make a point!” If that’s the case, you’re on the right track…but it’s still a joke, and if it doesn’t get a laugh, you’ve bombed!

If you put these three reasons together, you’ll see that by using jokes, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Let me make it clear, however: I’m not saying you’re going to fail, just that you’re stacking the deck in that direction. You’ve got three pretty strong drawbacks working against you. Now, maybe you’re one of the gifted few who are brilliant and natural at telling jokes. If that’s the case, you can ignore everything I’ve said so far. If not, however, you’ll have to look someplace else for your humor.

Fortunately, there is such a place. And it’s a place where you’ll find a wealth of humor that is unique, compelling, easy to remember, and free! It’s called “life experience,” and if you know how to listen to it, it will never let you down! To find out more, check out my article called The Power of Personal Stories.

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Most people who know me as a speaker, consultant, or coach know two things about me:

1. I love humor!
2. I hate jokes!

Don’t get me wrong: I like hearing a good joke; I’m just not a big fan of their use on the platform. I think there’s a much more powerful resource for humor available to the speaker, and it’s called the personal story.

In my experience, personal stories—or personal anecdotes, if you prefer—have several convincing advantages over jokes, and I’d like to explore a few of those advantages here.

1. Personal Stories Are Unique

This is a huge, huge advantage! Your personal stories are just that: yours! They didn’t come out of some book that’s been read by 50,000 people. You’re not going to hear another speaker telling your stories (at least, not ethically). But more to the point, your audience will not have heard them before!

2. Personal Stories Are Easy to Remember

Let’s face it: jokes are tough to remember! And I’m sure there’s a corollary of Murphy’s Law that states that jokes are even harder to remember when you’re standing on a platform with a microphone in your hand in front of 500 people! That’s the beauty of personal stories! They’re easier to remember, for two reasons:

1. They come from your own experience
   You don’t have to try to remember what comes next; you know what comes next, because you were there!
2. You’ve already told them dozens—perhaps hundreds—of times
   These are the stories you’ve already told to your family, your co-workers, your friends. Sure, you’ll tweak them a bit for the platform—add a line here, clean up a segment there, bend the story a bit to further your message—but, by and large, you know how to tell these stories!

3. Personal Stories Are “Bombproof”

When you tell a joke, and it doesn’t get a laugh, you’ve bombed! You know it, and the audience knows it. That’s because the sole purpose of a joke is to get a laugh! Even if you’re using the joke to further your point, the joke itself is there to get a laugh, and everybody knows it. If it doesn’t get a laugh, you’ve got nowhere to go. It’s not a good feeling. Believe me, I know! Personal stories, on the other hand, exist first and foremost to further your point. If your story gets a laugh, that’s icing on the cake. But if it just gets warm smiles, or no response at all, you simply move on! Your audience will never know they were supposed to laugh; they’ll simply assume you’ve told them a mildly entertaining story to exemplify your point. Now, granted, you may have been expecting a laugh. But if you don’t show it, the audience will be none the wiser. As long as you keep your cool, you can’t bomb!

Okay, so hopefully I’ve sold you on the power of personal stories as a source of humor in your public speaking. Now you may be thinking, “But where do I get all these great stories; nothing funny ever happens to me!” That, my friend, is where you’re wrong, and I’ll prove it to you in an article called, appropriately enough, Where to Find Personal Stories!

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